Putting eth Does Not Make It Shakespeare
by sheartrigger
Summary: The team decides to put on a play to help restore Radiant Garden. Is it possible with Yuffie as its director?
1. Introduction

**I'd like to say in advance that the characters may be out of character. I'm sorry if they are.**

**I don't own ANYTHING.**

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"So, what do you guys think?"

"What the fuck?!"

"Cid, please. Your language."

"Say 'What the fuck-eth' instead."

"Yuffie!"

"Sorry Aerith."

"The fu..."

"Cid!"

"See Leon thinks it's a good idea!"

"I said no such thing."

.

The Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee was huddled over the poster Yuffie had presented on the table. Written in large, glittering, red print were the words:

Help raise funds for the restoration of Radiant Garden!

AUDITION NOW FOR OUR FUND RAISING PLAY: ROMEO AND JULIET!

For any questions contact Yuffie of the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee.

.

"Come on you guys. Think about it for a second." Yuffie looked at the faces of the others around the table expectantly.

Cid was grimacing. _What the hell? This isn't going to work._

Aerith was smiling. _This is a great idea! It would help us a lot._

Leon looked at the curling poster blankly. _If I stare at it long enough maybe it will disappear._

_._

"Since when did we become this desperate?" Cid finally muttered irritably.

"This isn't desperate!" Yuffie cried indignantly.

"Then what's this for?"

"To restore Radiant Garden! Are you blind? It says so right there." Yuffie pointed at the poster on the table again. "Or do I have to make the poster even bigger?"

"I'm not blind you little..."

"I agree with Yuffie on this." Aerith interrupted. "We can't shoulder all the costs for the repairs."

"Unless Leon would be generous enough?" Cid gave Leon a pleading sideways glance. However Leon didn't see him for he was still looking at the poster. "Leon?"

"..." _Shit. It's not disappearing!_

"I didn't think so. See Cid? We need funds!" Yuffie slammed her hand on the poster to show her emphasis. At the same time spraying the other three with red glitter.

"Aaahhh!"

"Oops, sorry. I guess it wasn't dry yet."

"It's all right Yuffie..." Aerith smiled patiently.

"Yeah, this would look great if I wanted to be one of the three fairy godmothers!" Cid said as he tried to rub the glitter off.

"I said I was sorry didn't I?"

"You don't sound sorry."

"Enough. Please." Aerith placed on a strained smile. Trying to change the subject, "Yuffie, why Romeo and Juliet of all plays?"

"I don't see why not. Everybody loves Romeo and Juliet! It's a classic!"

"I bet it's the only classic you know..." Cid muttered darkly.

"I heard that!"

"At least that's one thing working with you."

"You wanna take this outside old man?"

"Please do." Aerith said tiredly.

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**I'd like to know if this is any good or worth continuing. I review would really be helpful.**

**Please don't take anything seriously. It's supposed to be a silly and light story.**

**If you can help it, hold back the flames. :P**


	2. Act 1 Scene 1

*Warning: Characters are OOC.

I made this for fun so don't expect it to be accurate. Flames don't help either.

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"Alright! Everyone listen up!" Yuffie yelled at the assembled crowd through a megaphone.

"Why should we?!" yelled a red-headed figure in the crowd.

"Just shut up Axel!" someone hissed.

Yuffie glared at the general direction of Axel's voice and almost cursed him through the megaphone. She had learned to get the ear-deafening device after the past couple of weeks of nightmarish auditions. "Because I'm director so deal with it! Aerith is my assistant and Merlin's our stage manager. If that doesn't float your boat then beat it!"

"Touchy…I get it. Sheesh. I was just asking."

"If nobody else has any questions let's start with the Prologue."

*

Yuffie was already cranky and she didn't need anything else driving her to the edge. It wouldn't have been so bad if the whole HBR committee tried to help her. As usual only Aerith and Merlin were willing. Leon and Cid on the other hand were nowhere to be found.

_Damn bastards must be hiding in Scrooge's freezer or something…again._ Yuffie thought angrily. _Well I hope they freeze off their di—_

"Wait! Um, Yuffie?"

Exasperated, Yuffie turned to the sound of the voice. "What is it Sora?"

"I don't really understand much of the script... I mean, I read through it like you told us to, but well...you sure you don't wanna fire the loon who wrote this?"

Yuffie's eyebrows furrowed for a second then her expression cleared.

"Sora, the loon's already dead."

Sora's eyes widened and he literally screamed at Yuffie's face. "WHAT?! Yuffie you didn't have to go that far!"

"Huh?"

"Fire him, yes. But murder?!"

"Sora—"

"M-maybe we can still revive him? It might not be too late..."

"Sora! Calm down! He's been dead for a really long time. I didn't kill him!"

Sora immediately stilled and he looked skeptical for a moment. "You're sure? You're not lying are you?"

"Hey, would I lie to you?"

Sora stared at Yuffie hard. "It wouldn't be the first time."

"Ugh, never mind."

"Um, so…he won't mind if I tweak it a bit?"

"By all means, knock yourself out."

"Great!"

*

Taking one more look at the assembled crowd Yuffie picked up her megaphone and yelled, "Let's get this started then! Tidus you're up first!"

*

Coming from the wings of the stage, Tidus began to skip to the center of the stage.

"What do you think you're doing Tidus?"

Stopping mid-skip Tidus looked at Yuffie. "I dunno, making an entrance I guess?"

"Forget it. Go on." Yuffie grumbled.

*

"Two households, both alike in dignity. In Verona where we lay our scene. From ancient... Damn, ancient is right."

"Just get on with it Tidus!"

"Alright, alright! I'm just saying!"

"Yuffie says we can tweak it." Sora hissed at Tidus from behind one of the curtains.

"Got it. Thanks man!" Clearing his throat Tidus continued. "Because of some spat—"

"Some spat?! It wasn't just some spat you know." Yuffie interrupted.

Completely ignoring her, Tidus continued: "because of some SPAT there was a riot among the citizens. And born from these warring families—a pair of star-crossed lovers. Unluckily for them, only after they die do their families make up. So yeah...we're here to tell you their story!" With that, Tidus marched off the stage.

*

"Well no one said it would be perfect." Aerith whispered to Yuffie.

"Or easy." Yuffie moaned. "Act 1, Scene 1."

*

Hayner and Pence entered talking from the left side of the stage.

"Pence, I swear I'm not gonna take any more of this crap. One more word out of those Montagues and they're gonna get it!"

"Sure, whatever you say. Calm down will you?"

"We should show all the Montagues who's boss!"

"The fight's between our masters and us their men. Leave the girls out of it."

"Pence, you can really be a sexist you know."

"Um...uh, what? Never mind that now, get your sword ready. There are Montagues coming!"

*

From the other side of the stage entered Seifer and Rai.

"Forget the sword Pence. Pick a fight with them. I'll back you up!"

"How? By ditching me?"

"No way man! Cut me some slack here... Too late. Let's wait for them to make the first move."

"I'll give them the stink-eye."

"Great idea! I'll give them the finger."

As the two groups reached the center of the stage, Hayner nonchalantly raised his middle finger at Seifer and Rai.

*

Aerith shook her head disapprovingly.

"Well it's better than biting his thumb." Yuffie shrugged.

*

Seifer stopped dead in his tracks.

"What was that chicken-wuss?"

"The finger. Are you blind?" Hayner replied coolly.

"That finger directed at us?"

Hayner turned to Pence, "Would it be smart to say yes?"

"No." Pence whispered.

Hayner turned to Seifer, "No. You just happen to be there and I got my finger raised is all."

"Wrong answer chicken-wuss!" With that, Seifer punched Hayner in the face.

A few seconds later, it was a full-blown brawl between the four on the stage.

"Get off of me you punk!"

"Not until I beat the shit out of you!"

*

Off stage Aerith was watching the brawl with a worried expression. "Yuffie, this is getting out of hand. Someone should stop them."

"No worries Aerith. That's Benvolio's job." Yuffie answered pointing to Demyx as he walked onstage.

*

"Stop it you guys!" Demyx look exasperated and tried to pry Hayner of Seifer using his sitar. At that moment, Roxas also came onstage, Keyblades in hand.

"Oh hey Roxas!" Demyx greeted him. "Mind helping me to get these two to stop?"

"Demyx, it's Tybalt. And that's not your line."

"Eh?" Demyx looked at him with a confused expression.

"Forget it... Why are you with these servants Benvolio? Face me and get ready to die!"

"Woah hold up Rox— I mean Tybalt! I'm all for the peace here! If you're gonna use your Keyblade, use it to get them to stop!"

"Benvolio, you? A peacemaker? I didn't expect that from a Nobody! Peace? I hate the word like I hate hell, all Montagues, being a Nobody, and you! You're going down!" Roxas lunged at Demyx with his twin Keyblades.

"Shit! Roxas, what did I ever do to you?!" Demyx countered by splashing water on Roxas's face.

"It's Tybalt!!!"

*

"And I thought Roxas was doing a pretty good job up until he let slip the Nobody part." Aerith sighed.

"Don't worry Aer, they'll all cool down eventually." Yuffie shrugged. Grabbing her megaphone she yelled, "Lord and Lady Capulet get ready to enter!"

*

At Yuffie's cue, Donald and Daisy walked onstage.

"What's all the racket?! Give me my long sword!"

Daisy looked skeptical. "A sword? You mean your magic staff right? Oh! Or maybe a crutch instead?"

*

Mickey and Minnie entered the stage opposite from them.

Donald looked at Daisy angrily. "My staff then! Montague is there with his Keyblade to fight against me!"

"And I'm ready Capulet!" Mickey retorted.

"You will do no such thing!" Minnie interjected, holding him back. "Prince Escalus is coming!"

*

Exactly on cue, Axel strode onto the stage.

"You?" Roxas said incredulously.

"Yeah me. Got it memorized?" Axel smirked. "Rebellious subjects, enemies to peace, throw your weapons to the ground, and hear the sentence of your awesome, amazing, wonderful, great—"

"Get on with it!" Hayner yelled while nursing a bloody nose.

Axel glared at him, "and angry prince! You've been troubling our streets with your fighting for too long! So if you ever disturb Verona's streets again, you'll pay with your lives! Now break it up!"

Axel turned to his left, "You, Capulet duck, come with me. Montague mouse, see me later. I'll say it again, everyone get lost before I burn somebody!"

*

"Everyone off stage except Lord and Lady Montague and Benvolio!" Yuffie directed through her megaphone.

*

Mickey turned to Demyx. "Who started this fight? Speak, nephew, were you here when it started?"

"Woah!" Demyx held both his hands up. "I've got a mouse for an uncle?"

"Demyx!" Yuffie screeched.

"Sorry!" Demyx pouted. "It was the servants. Then I came to stop them, then Rox—_Tybalt_ came, insulted me, and then tried to kill me! Then the Capulets came, then you came, then the prince—"

"Alright that's enough. Thank you." Minnie interrupted. "Where's Romeo? Did you see him today? Though I'm glad he wasn't in the fight earlier."

"Who?"

"Romeo."

"I have no idea who you're talking about. I was in the fight so obviously I wouldn't know."

Minnie looked irritated. "Romeo! You know! Sora!"

"Sora? Oh, why didn't you say so? He's at the back."

"I'm not asking for Sora I'm asking for Romeo."

"Queen Minnie, will you please make up your mind!"

"Sora as Romeo! And it's Lady Montague not Queen Minnie!" Minnie screeched.

"Well you're lucky I can't feel irritated." Demyx huffed. "I saw him before the sun was up, running into the woods. He looked like he wanted to be alone so I let him be." In a lower voice Demyx added, "I'd wanna be alone too if I had to have mice for parents."

Before Minnie could strangle Demyx, Mickey interrupted, "He's been like that lately. If not in the woods, he'll lock himself in his room. There must be something wrong."

"No duh." Demyx rolled his eyes. "But do you know why uncle?"

"I don't. And I don't think I can learn the reason from him either."

"Jump him then! Ask him what's up." Turning away from Mickey and Minnie, Demyx pointed across the stage. "Here he comes! Beat it! I'll ask him myself." With that, he kicked Mickey and Minnie off of the stage.

*

"That wasn't so bad." Yuffie mused. "Get on the stage Sora!"

*

"Hey Romeo!" Demyx greeted Sora brightly.

"Demyx, did you just push King Mickey and Queen Minnie off the stage?"

"More of kicked but that's not what's important here. What's wrong?"

"Hours seem to go by so slowly lately!"

"Well they're not seconds."

"Benvolio!"

"I'm kidding! So how come?"

"Well, I don't have _that_, which if I had, would make the hours so much shorter!"

"Huh? What's _that_?"

"Benvolio, you know what I'm talking about."

"You know, I think I do but I'm just making sure." Demyx grinned.

"Don't try me Demyx." Sora deadpanned.

"Everyone's so touchy today." Demyx griped. "In love are you?"

"Well I am but she isn't! I could compare my feelings right now to so many things—"

Demyx cut Sora off. "Sorry cuz but you know I wouldn't really understand. Being a Nobody and all."

"Demyx, Benvolio isn't a Nobody. Still...you wouldn't understand."

"Why not try forgetting about her?"

"You're pretty good at that but I can't!"

"Oh come on! Tell you what, try going girl watching. There are other beauties out there." Demyx grinned.

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Forget it. You can't teach me to forget."

"Oh really? I'll die trying then!"

*

"And exit Sora and Demyx!" Yuffie yelled.

*

_End of Act 1, Scene 1_

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After disappearing for a year... It's not perfect and I've always been rusty at writing but I had fun writing this.

Review please?


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